Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Thoughts of Love // Part Three

I'm having trouble writing the introduction to this one. I'm not sure why. I guess I think the poem (or whatever you want to call it) itself says pretty much all that I want to say in this post. This part three is mostly about relationships, and about how we sometimes push our true feelings aside when someone asks us how we are, and instead of saying, "I'm not doing too well today. I'm having trouble with...etc.," we say, "I'm fine, how are you?" and don't even expect the other person to answer any different, either. I feel like I do this way too often in my relationships. I tell my coworkers a story and want them to say, "Whoa, that's so cool," but when they tell me a story in return, I try to act like it doesn't affect me, even if it does. I'm not sure why I do that, and I hate it. I don't want anyone to react to me in that, "Cool, but I'm not really interested," way. I like to make people laugh, or feel excited, or gasp in amazement about something that happened to me. I don't always give them the same response, though, and it's not fair. This is something I want to work on. I can't expect to receive something that I have no intention of giving in return. This poem is about wanting to feel something, anything different than the same ol', same ol' feeling that grabs us every so often, and about how maybe we can pull ourselves out of it.

Have you ever wanted to feel 
something different, 
however uncomfortable?

Do you miss your toes tingling
from cold, wrapped in a blanket,
trying to get warm,
and out of nowhere a shiver
shaking your shoulders?

Do you press on your
bruise, not really to see if it
still hurts;
you know it does.
But the dull throb intrigues you?

Do you feel the pull to a new
relationship, and know in your heart
that it won't end the way you'd like it,
but still plunge yourself into it
as deeply as you can,
though it'll mean the pain 
will be that much greater
when it falls apart?

You're human.

We try to tell ourselves we don't care about what happens to us so that we can be more interested in other people. 

But if you aren't excited about what you did today, how can you be excited about someone else's life? 

And when other people aren't interested in each other, we get depressed, because what meaning does our life have if no one appreciates it, not even ourselves?

But the thing is, we're all just pretending.

We do care about our lives and we care about other people. 

We just don't want them to know it. 

Because somehow it's become cool to pretend like nothing phases you, your life is in control, and you don't need emotions, whether sad or joyful, to knock you off balance.

What a lie.

You get bored of anything if you do it too much. 

One of these days, we'll get tired of pretending and share ourselves with each other.

What are your thoughts on this part three? How are you feeling about life at this time? Excited? Anxious? Just kind of blah? I think I'm currently all three at this time, to be honest. :) As always, thanks for reading, please comment below, and have a great week!

- Maddie